


Say Goodbye

by DeliveryHomo



Category: Persona 4, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sad without Plot is that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3507692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeliveryHomo/pseuds/DeliveryHomo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's going to die, and there's nothing he can do about it. But if he could at least talk to him one last time...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably very obvious but just in case: I'm naming P5-kun Kazuki Isu until we get a canon name. Also Yosuke is 21 in this whole weird shipping AU (supposing P5 happens in 2016).
> 
> You can read Yosuke's POV written by the terribly heartbreaking Amy [here](http://yosukeisgod.tumblr.com/post/113042445319/a-yosuke-pov-to-this-shakes-fist-at-alex-and).

“Kazuki-kun!”

“Kazuki!”

“Someone, get Kazuki-kun out of there!”

_Ah… I’ve gone and done it._

He can feel the blood on his hands, emerging from his wound with no mercy. Looking down isn’t an option, he knows well it’d only help the pain to increase. There’s a bitter feeling on the back of his throat, and while everything turns black, he can’t help but draw a sarcastic smile.

He isn’t sure of where he is, or how much time has passed when the darkness starts clearing, making blur figures appear. They’re his friends, he can tell that much, but that’s only because he knows it can’t be anyone else. Even their voices are like a distant conversation, and he just doesn’t have enough energy to focus on them.

“Why… Why is it not working!?”

“Morgana! Do something!”

“I can’t… It’s not working…”

Ah, they must have left the dungeon if they’re trying to heal him. But just as they say, it’s not working. He doesn’t feel the warm feeling of his wounds closing and his energy returning to his body, the familiar sensation of a healing spell, or even just some medicine. Actually, he just feels… heavy. Even the pain that made him fall on his knees before is now nothing but a blurred feeling.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand what’s happening.

_I’m dying._

_I’m going to die._

_Ah, in the end… I didn’t do anything._

_I wonder… if Yosuke will cry when he finds out._

The moment that thought comes to his mind, he feels like an idiot. It's just... it's ironic, like the worst prank destiny could have played on him. He's dying tonight, of all nights? Right after telling Yosuke he wasn't going to die and that he was strong? Guess that's what you get from being a kid acting like a grown-up.

He opens his mouth, and discovers that speaking isn’t coming as easily as it should. Well, that’s just to be expected. Guess he is dying, after all.

“…hone…”

“Kazuki-kun!?”

He can feel Anne's hands grasp his firmly, and something wet falls on his face. Of course… she’s crying. Everyone’s probably crying, too.

He wants to apologize. He wants to tell them it’s not their fault, he was just distracted. He underestimated the demons by keeping his mind on other things and that’s what he got. But he doesn’t have time. He can feel his young life escaping from his hands. There’s no time left for him, and as much as he wants his teammates to know how important they are to him, there’s something else he needs to do.

So he tries again.

“Pass me… my phone…”

It comes weakly, but it reaches them. It seems like he’s getting the grip of this whole talking while bleeding to his death thing.

“T-That’s right! The phone! If we can an ambulance, then…”

“If we call an ambulance it’s all over, for the four of us.”

“But if we don’t, Kazuki-kun’s-!”

A sigh escapes his mouth, and he hadn’t realized until now that there’s blood on his mouth. The metallic flavor on his tongue is making him feel nauseous, but even so he insists.

“My… phone…”

He coughs, a terrible taste now mixing with the blood. Probably bile, considering there’s a fatal wound on his stomach. There’s a moment of silence, and he just wishes he had the strength to get up and get his phone on his own. But that would only be a waste of energy, and he needs as much as he can keep right now.

Then he feels something on his hand, and he recognizes it as the phone he was asking for. Somehow his fingers manage to unlock the screen, and he gives Ryuji a weak smile. He hopes it reaches him as more than just a soft smile, though. There's no denying he is the one that knows him the best of the three, so maybe this will be enough to convey what he might not be able to tell him later with works.

“Thanks.” He says, and dials the first number on his contact list.

A sudden rush of dread comes to his mind. It’s not about the fact that he’s dying, that he won’t be alive for more than five more minutes top. No, what really makes him feel absolute fear is the thought that maybe  _he_  won’t pick up. Ah, that’s right. They had a fight earlier that day, didn’t they? And a pretty bad too, on top of that. It seems so insignificant how they had yelled at each other about what he should and shouldn't do. He did make a real mess of the apartment, too. So it’s only natural if he looks away from the phone the moment he sees his number.

“Yes?”

Yet the sound of Yosuke’s voice comes to his ears after just a few seconds. His heart suddenly feels lighter, even if he can tell he's still not calm.

“Hey, old man.” He greets with that voice he uses when he calls him that.

It’s time to use all of his energy. It might reduce his time, but he has to do it. For Yosuke’s sake. For his own sake, too.

“Kazuki? I thought you were… doing your thing.”

“Yeah, well…” He holds his hand against the wound that’s going to kill him, completely drenched in blood, hoping it will somehow ease his breathing. “I’m taking a breath. A shadow got me pretty bad…”

“What do you- Are you alright?”

He’d laugh, if he had the strength to do so. No, he’s not alright. He’s dying. His friends are watching him die. And no one can do anything about it.

“I’m fine… Just a little sleepy.”

“You’re always sleepy, though.”

A weak chuckle comes from his mouth, visibly taking a lot of his strength. “That’s true.”

“So? Do you need something? You know what time it is, right?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice.”

The other side of the call stays silent, and he knows that means Yosuke must be blushing right now. It’s a shame he’s not there to see his face.

But he doesn’t have time to lose. Time stops for no one, and even if he wished for two more seconds to talk with him, he knows he can’t have that miracle. And there's something he needs to do, something he really has to say before his time runs out.

So he’s already talking again, before he can hear Yosuke’s complain about him saying that kind of line without warning.

“I’m sorry… for our fight. I’m always causing you so much trouble.”

Any other night, he knows it wouldn't have come as easy. Even if he knows Yosuke was right worrying for him during their argument, he can't help his pride showing. He'd tell him he has no right to tell him what he should or shouldn't do, maybe yell or say something sarcastic, and then close the door to their room and lock it. Just to come out of it a few minutes later, once he's calmed down, and properly apologize.

But now, he doesn't even know why he though _he_ was right, and not Yosuke, on the first place. It could be even funny, if he told him ' _You know how you said I could get killed? Guess what, you were absolutely right. I'm such an idiot for not listening to you, but I went and got myself killed just like you said._ ' But the reason he's calling him isn't to let him know he's dying, he just needs to apologize. And tell him that he loves him, that he'll be the last thing on his mind until his last second. There's no reason to give him bad news, not tonight.

It takes a moment for the older to answer, and the tone of his voice makes his heart beat with happiness. “I’m pretty much to blame, too. I know you have something worth fighting for. I’ve been there, you know?”

He’s surprised to hear another weak laugh leave his mouth. His heart is beating faster, for more reasons than just his body’s attempt to stay alive. And although he’s doing his best to hide it, breathing is becoming a harder task by every passing minute.

It’s probably the last sentence he’ll be able to say without his breathing getting too heavy, or the pain starting to get to him, so he has to say it now.

“Yosuke-kun… I love you.”

And with that, it's all over. He's properly apologized for being a defiant brat, and he's even had the blessing of hearing Yosuke apologize to him, too. And after then, he got to properly tell him he loved him.

That's that. That's all he wanted. Now he can be at peace, let his mind go numb and his body stop functioning without regret, knowing he's done all he could so far.

But then he hears him say “I love you too.”

And that’s when it hits him.

That’s when he can’t keep on the cool guy act anymore.

He’s dying. His life is going away. His body is doing everything it can, but it won’t be enough to stop it from happening.

He won’t be able to see Yosuke anymore.

He won’t see his face ever again. He won’t be able to tease him about their age gap, just to be shut by a kiss. He won’t hold him ever again, he won’t kiss him ever again, he won’t even touch him ever again.

He’s not going to see his face in the morning and laugh at his terrible bed hair, only to be told he should look in the mirror firrst. There won’t be more dates to the park, no more sightseeing and getting lost in the city. No more watching movies while cuddling, no more breakfasts, no more holding hands in secret.

They’re never going on that trip he’d suggested for next summer. He’s never going to get him to finally show him the world inside the TV and his Persona. He’s never going to give him his button when he graduates only to see his flustered face. Damn, he’s never even going to graduate in the first place.

All those thoughts go through his mind in one second. And then he feels the tears streaming down his cheeks. He manages to retrain a sob by biting his lip as he hold his phone with all his might.

_I’m scared…_

_I don’t want to die. Not like this._

_I still had so many things to do. I still had a life to live._

_I’m scared to die._

“Kazuki? Are you alright?”

No… he’s not alright. He wants to scream and say how much it suddenly hurts. Not just the wound that's killing him, but also everything else, deep inside his heart. He wants to say he’s scared, tell him that he can’t handle the thought of not being together anymore. He wants to say that he doesn’t want to die, to not be able to see his face on his last moments.

But he can’t do that. Not just because it’d just take him too much time and energy. But also because it just wouldn't be fair. How's he supposed to rest in peace if he just goes and tells him he's dying, leave this world while he griefs him on this god damned night? Just the thought of leaving Yosuke's side is enough to make him feel guilty of dying, as stupid as that sounds.

“Are you still-”

“I’m…” His voice comes in a sob. This isn’t good. He can’t hide the fact that he’s crying anymore, even if he’s still trying. All his previous act is slowly falling apart, and it hurts to do so, but damn it he's _dying_. “I’m truly happy… I met you… and fell in love with you…”

“Why are you-? Where are you? I’m going, just tell me where you are.”

“Please…” Even though he knows he can’t see it, he still tries his best to smile. It's fine, I'm dying but I don't mind... “I… I love you… so much…”

“Kazuki, what’s going on!?”

Ah, there it is. It’s so terribly cliché he can’t help but find it funny when he coughs, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth. “I’m sorry…" And he is, he truly is. "I think… I’m gonna be late tonight…”

He can clearly hear Anne’s crying intensify, and Ryuji must be right next to her, because he sees Morgana’s black figure at his right. His capacity to tell the blurred shapes and lines apart vanished when he started focusing on his voice, but he can still tell his friends are there. Guilt piles on his stomach when he realizes that he won’t be able to properly tell them goodbye. Even if he stopped the call right now, he could probably only say a few words anyways.

He’s expecting some yelling, worried lines and asking him where he is, demanding to know so he can go. Even if he told him, he doubts he could reach in time. Not to mention it would only cause him trouble if someone saw him. It's better this way. He couldn't forgive himself if something were to happen to Yosuke because of him, after all.

“You…” But then, he doesn’t hear that. The voice he hears is desperately trying to stay calm, although it doesn't sound all that convincing.  _This is fine. If I can die while hearing his voice… then that’s enough._  “If you keep doing this you’re just gonna get yelled at in class. You’re a kid, so you need you eight hours of sleep.”

Yosuke’s voice is cracking, but his guilt quote is already too high to feel even worse. The best he can do now is smile and answer, “Then I’ll just… sleep with you on the couch… when you get home.”

He can’t close his eyes, even if the tears are hurting him. He knows what will happen when he does, and he can’t afford that. Just… just a few more seconds. That’s all he wants. A little more time to talk to him.

“Kazuki, I- I love you.”

“You already said that…” He’s acting like the defiant, little brat he only is when he’s with him. Because that’s what he is when they’re together, so that’s the best him there is. “I love you too…  I really… really love you…”

“Don’t… You can’t-”

He can almost see his face right now, probably crying as much as he is. It’s not something he should be happy about, but knowing he cares, he  _truly_  cares about him gives him some ease. If only he could convey all he’s feeling right now, all he never told him and never will have the chance to say. Say that he’s sorry for dying on him, but also that he can’t dwell in mourning for too long before going on with his own life. If there only was a way to tell him that he loves him from the bottom of his heart… And if that if there is an afterlife, or something like that, he’ll look after him. And if he's born again, he’ll spend all his new life searching for him.

“Thank you…”

His voice fades, and so does everything else. He can still hear a sob coming from Yosuke’s end, and then the sound of his words barely making sense.

“Please… please, Kazu—”

The phone falls to the floor, disturbing the echo of crying voices. Everyone falls silent for a second, as they turn to look as his face.

His loses the strength to fight the inevitable for any longer.

In the last moment, all his fears fade away. The fear of death feels so insignificant when he’s a second away from dying.

_Yes… this is alright._

His eyes close like a curtain of darkness, while his lips form a smile. An expression of pure happiness and gratitude.

_I hope… we’ll meet again._


End file.
